


Shalnark goes to jail

by feitan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Animal Crossing New Leaf - Freeform, Connect Four, Dance Dance Revolution - Freeform, Jail, Prisonbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4474061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feitan/pseuds/feitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shalnark goes to jail</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hisoka looked up from his 3DS, which was currently running his game of Animal Crossing: New Leaf. He glanced over at Shalnark and Feitan, who were engaged in a rather suspenseful-looking game of Connect 4. By the looks of it, Shalnark had the upper hand. It wasn't uncommon for troupe members to play games to pass the time, especially when the others were out on their own assignments. Hisoka stood and made his way over to the pair, who was seated on the ground. 

"Hey." he said, sitting down.

Shalnark held a finger up, signaling for Hisoka to shut the fuck up for a second. His gaze was focused on the game in front of him.

"Quiet down, will you? This game takes loads of concentration and I won't have you ruin this for me. He's already beaten me seven times." Shalnark said, gesturing to Feitan as he finally made his move. 

Feitan sat quietly, resting his head in his hands. He looked bored out of his mind and slightly in-pain, as always. "It's Connect 4, Shalnark. Chill out." He shifted his gaze to Hisoka. "Did you need something?"

"Actually, I did." the jester said. "But if you're in the middle of something…"

"And we are!" Shalnark shouted. "I'm sure whatever it is can wait." Hisoka was mildly intimidated. He'd never seen Shalnark this aggressive before.

"Just spit it out already." Feitan murmured as he made his move.

"Alright, alright," Hisoka said, raising his hands. "I just wanted to know if either of you were aware of the three police vehicles parked outside."

The two looked up at him in disbelief right as the main door of the church was kicked open. There stood a group of policemen, weapons aimed right at the three. 

"Shalnark Johnson!" one of them shouted. "You're under arrest!"

Hisoka and Feitan remained still, staring at the cops. The same questions ran through each of their minds. How had they found this place? Why was only one of them under arrest?? What had he done???

Slowly, Shalnark rose to his feet and raised his hands above his head, the same nasty Shalnark grin plastered on his face as always. 

"Okay, okay, I'll go with you. No need to hurt my friends, here." 

He stayed where he was and the police made quick work of handcuffing him and dragging him outside. Hisoka and Feitan's eyes were both wide with disbelief. When the door was shut again, and the police were gone, they looked at each other.

"Uh. Do you…"

"No. I assumed you did."

"Nope."

"Ah. Okay."

They quickly fell back into silence, unsure of what to do next. What do you do when your friend is hauled away to jail right in front of you? 

"Why didn't you do anything?"

"Why didn't you?!"

"I thought you were going to!"

"He looked like he had the situation under control!"

"You wanna be the one to tell the boss that?!"

Someone was going to have to tell Chrollo at some point or another that they'd just sat there as they watched a troupe member get taken away. 

Hisoka sighed, digging his phone out of his pocket. "At least they came when they did. You weren't going to win that game."

When Feitan was done hurling the game across the room, Hisoka passed him the phone. "Maybe you should calm down a little before you call him." he suggested. 

Feitan snatched it from him and dialed Chrollo's number from memory. "Maybe you shouldn't have dropped out of clown college." he said, raising the device to his ear. 

Hisoka would never admit it, but that had deeply offended him. He scowled silently, watching Feitan. After a few rings, he finally heard Chrollo's muffled voice on the other end of the call.

"We've only been gone fifteen minutes. Something happened already?"

Feitan shut his eyes, looking defeated already. "Shalnark is in a bit of trouble."

"Where is he?"

Feitan took a deep breath before answering.

"Jail."


	2. Chapter 2

The other side of the call was dead silent for a good few seconds before Chrollo burst out with laughter. Feitan's face twisted and he looked even more uncomfortable than he usually does.

When Chrollo's laughter finally died down, he replied. 

"Were you being serious?"

Feitan kept his eyes shut, mostly to avoid having to look at Hisoka. "Yes."

"Oh." Chrollo responded. "Well. Go and get him, then."

Feitan nodded as if Chrollo could see him and hung up the phone. He dared to open his eyes at this point, handing the phone back to Hisoka. 

"We should get going," he said, standing up. "Now."

He was already halfway to the door when Hisoka picked himself up and followed along.

"Are we walking?" he asked.

Feitan only snickered in response. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three minutes later, they had a car. The former owner was sprawled out on the side of the freeway, most likely dead. Hisoka had gotten in the driver’s seat, and Feitan sat in the passenger seat. However, they quickly realized that the vehicle was nearly out of gas and had pulled into a gas station.

“Wait,” Hisoka said.

“What.”

“How do we steal gas?” he asked.

Feitan shrugged, opening the door and stepping out of the car.

“Like this.”

A mere few seconds later, Feitan had opened the door of the car ahead of them, pulled the owner out, and gotten in. He waited for Hisoka to catch up and get in the car. He locked the doors just as the owner was about to try to open it again, and drove off.

Hisoka was impressed, but this wasn’t out of the ordinary for members of the Phantom Troupe.

“Nice work,” Hisoka said, buckling his seatbelt.

“They don’t let just anyone into the troupe,” Feitan replied.

“Of course not,” Hisoka said, looking away suspiciously. “You must’ve had quite a bit of experience, though.” Hisoka mused in an attempt to change the subject. 

Feitan didn’t feel like talking about his tragic past right then, so he just didn’t reply. Hisoka frowned and pulled out his phone to play a quick game of Tetris while they headed for the county jail.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Feitan parked in the space completely crooked. He didn’t care, though. He was just there to save his friend.

He and Hisoka made their way to the front door of the building. The guards that weren’t dead almost immediately were running for their lives as the pair made their way to the back, looking for Shalnark.

While Hisoka made his way through the row of cells, looking for Shalnark, Feitan began setting his bomb. 

When Hisoka spotted his target, he reached through the bars withs his really long arms and grabbed Shalnark by the front of his shirt and pulled him through.

“Wah!” Shalnark said.

Hisoka threw him over his shoulder and carried him out of the jail. He quickly set him down in the car before locking it and making his way back to the jail to meet up with Feitan. 

Feitan had just lit a match to set the bomb off when Hisoka arrived. 

“Get ready to run,” he warned as he threw the match towards the bomb. However, it didn’t go off because the match missed the bomb and landed on the floor a few feet away from it. 

“Dammit,” he said, going to light another match. 

“Give me that!” Hisoka interrupted, taking the box of matches from Feitan. He lit them all at once and threw them towards the bomb. 

They raced back to the car at top speed and drove away from the explosion. But Shalnark hadn’t put on his seatbelt, so he was tumbling around in the back.

Hisoka laughed, swerving the car onto the highway, headed back to the troupe HQ.


	3. Chapter 3

On the way to the hideout, Feitan was holding on for dear life. Hisoka rolled the windows of the car down. Unbeknownst to them, Shalnark had quickly been sucked out the window because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. He flew down the highway, landing in a bush. The cops had found him again, soon after, and brought him back to a different jail. 

Hisoka continued driving until they arrived back at the church. By this time, Chrollo and the others were back from their mission. 

They got out of the car, but soon noticed that Shalnark wasn't following them. Maybe he'd gotten a concussion and passed out? 

Feitan shook his head, going back to the car and peering into the back window.

"Hey, Hisoka," he said, looking towards the magician. "Shalnark was back here when we left, right?"

Hisoka turned around and jogged to Feitan, looking in the window himself. 

"Ah. Maybe he. Jumped out?" he said, laughing nervously. 

Feitan would have hit him upside the head if he could reach that high. 

"He didn't jump out, he probably fell out because you insisted on opening the dang windows!" 

"The breeze felt nice on my face," Hisoka explained, backing away. 

Feitan was really angry now! He had to stop to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down before continuing. 

"Okay, whatever. Let's just go find him again."

The pair got back in the car and was about to take off when the back door suddenly opened again. Phinks sat down in the seat and shut the door. 

"Hey," he said. 

"Why are you here?" Feitan asked, turning around in his seat.

"Boss wanted me to come with you guys to make sure you don't fuck anything up. Again."

Hisoka and Feitan exchanged worried glances. 

"He's really pissed at you guys," Phinks added. Hisoka floored the gas and they shot out of the parking lot. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they had managed to successfully rescue Shalnark from jail again, they made sure to buckle his seatbelt. Feitan rolled up the windows before another disaster happened. 

"So, Shaknark," Phinks started, crossing his arms. "Plan on telling us what you even did to get put in jail?"

Shalnark shook his head, mimicking Phinks' arm crossing. "That's none of your business!"

"Yes it is! We're the ones having to break you out all the time!" Phinks was getting upset. 

"The second time was not my fault!" Shalnark protested. He hadn't asked to be flung out the window of a moving vehicle at high speed. 

Phinks huffed and looked out the window, muttering obscenities to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

They pulled into the parking lot of the hideout again, and everyone got out. Hisoka and Feitan walked slowly, not wanting to face Chrollo after what they'd done. The two watched Shalnark and Phinks enter first, and bowed their heads, walking in behind them. Every head in the room moved to look at the group, who stopped just past the doorway.

Chrollo looked up from his book and motioned for them to go over to him. The remaining troupe members offered them nothing but a bunch of devious smiles, except for Kortopi, who they weren't even sure had a mouth.

As they reluctantly made their way up to the top of the pile of rubble, a few people chucked at them. Feitan had a hard time resisting the urge to turn back and glare at them. Hisoka was the first to reach the top, stopping to wait for the others to catch up before turning to Chrollo.

"This was all Feitan's fault," he began, speaking quickly. "I tried to do something to help but he held me back and wouldn't let me do anything to try to save--"

"Hey, wait," Feitan interrupted, looking to Hisoka. "You just sat on your ass as Shalnark was dragged out of the building, you clown!"

"Enough of this," Chrollo said, tiredly. "I'm giving you both the same punishment regardless of who's at fault."

Shalnark frowned and spoke up. "There wasn't anything they could have done! If anyone should take the blame for this, it's me." All eyes shifted to Shalnark, who looked around anxiously. 

"Alright," Chrollo continued. "You can help them with their punishment."

Shalnark looked at his feet and pouted. "Alright..."

Feitan had known that Shalnark was most likely going to try to stick up for them. That's just how he was. Suspiciously friendly, even when his friends had done him wrong. It was kind of terrifying. 

"So," he said, looking away from Shalnark and back to Chrollo. "What do you want us to do?" 

Chrollo hummed and gazed up at the ceiling in thought before answering. “Firstly, I’m going to need you to give me your 3DS,” he said, pointing at Hisoka.

“No,” Hisoka said, backing away defensively. “You can’t make me.”

Chrollo snapped his fingers and almost instantly, Hisoka’s 3DS was in Phinks’ possession.

“What the hell, Phinks…” Hisoka muttered. “I thought we were buddies.”

Phinks only rolled his eyes and left to wreck Hisoka’s Animal Crossing town.

“Secondly,” Chrollo continued. “I want you to go and steal a Dance Dance Revolution machine for m-- for the troupe.”

Feitan gave his boss an incredulous look, but shortly nodded his head and turned to leave. Hisoka said nothing as he followed behind. Chrollo chuckled, going back to his novel.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late in the evening when Feitan and Hisoka arrived at the arcade in the car that they had stolen. Hisoka reached over to unbuckle his seatbelt, but alas, it appeared to be stuck! He started panicking because he secretly had really bad claustrophobia. However, he didn’t want to bother Feitan and embarrass himself by asking for help, so he grabbed the seat belt and pulled on it as hard as he could until it ripped in half and he was free. He looked out the window and saw that Feitan was already walking through the front doors and into the building. Hisoka punched through the window and crawled out, racing to catch up with Feitan. 

When they entered the building side by side, a man wearing the standard arcade employee uniform greeted them. His name tag read “GING” in all caps. “Yo,” he said, not looking up from his National Enquirer magazine. But before they could greet him back, a louder voice spoke up from further in the building. 

“GING,” it said in all caps. “YOU BETTER NOT BE SLACKING OFF AGAIN. I’LL KILL YOU.”

Ging panicked and dropped his magazine onto the floor, where he kicked it away. It skittered across the floor just as a really large, muscular dude approached them.

“I am Gon-san.”he said, looking at the magazine across the floor, then at Ging. “Were you reading on the job again?”

“PFFT,” Ging said. “Me? I can’t read.”

However, Gon-san didn’t accept that excuse and grabbed Ging by the back of his shirt and violently dragged him towards the back room once again.

“We don’t have time for this,” Feitan said over the sound of Ging’s screams. He began to look around for the nearest Dance Dance Revolution machine. He spotted it in the far corner of the room and headed over to it, motioning for Hisoka to follow behind him.

When they got over to the machine, they were surprised to find two kids already using it. They recognized them both as Kalluto and Kortopi. Feitan reached down and unplugged the machine from the wall, turning to face the two.

“What the FUCK,” Kalluto shouted. Kortopi just looked disappointed. He rarely ever got to stay out past his bedtime, and he’d been having a blast with Kalluto at the arcade.

“We need to take this machine,” Feitan informed them. “Go away.”

Kalluto grimaced and began to pull Kortopi away to play a different game when Hisoka spoke up.

“Not so fast!” he yelled, pointing at Kortopi. “You’re out past your bedtime.”

Kortopi made an expression but nobody could see what it was. “Fuck off Hisoka you’re not my mom.”

Hisoka wasn’t going to stand for this. He’d seen what happened to Kortopi when he was allowed to stay awake past his bedtime of 8:30. It was wild and not something he ever wanted to experience again. He picked Kortopi up and tucked him under his arm and ran back to the car, locked him in the backseat and ran back inside. When he returned, he saw Feitan already halfway to the front door, carrying the machine on his back. He was impressed.

“Woah, good job buddy,” Hisoka said, slapping Feitan on the back in congratulations. He realized this was a bad idea when Feitan let out a strangled noise and fell to the floor. The machine was crushing him.

“HISOKA” Feitan yelled. Hisoka was kind of scared because he sounded really angry and he remembered what happened the last time he made Feitan angry. He didn’t want that to happen again, so he quickly lifted the machine off of Feitan and threw it towards the door. Feitan stood up, seemingly seething with rage, but he pushed past Hisoka and went to go move the machine to the car.

When that was done, the pair looked over the vehicle, trying to figure out how to transport it back to the HQ. Hisoka suggested that they could probably bribe Kortopi and Kalluto to haul it back for them. Feitan said that wasn’t going to work because they didn’t have any money. Eventually, they settled on setting it on top of the car and just driving really slowly on the backstreets of the city. It fell off a few times, but they quickly got out and set it back on top again.

When they got back to the troupe hideout, the first thing they did was put Kortopi to bed. He was the only member who got an actual bed, so they tucked him in and even read him a bedtime story. But alas, the rest of the troupe was anxious to see the new game.

They shoved the machine off the top of the car and it landed on the ground with a thud. This time, Uvo offered to carry it inside for them because he was stronger than the both of them combined. When they all returned inside, Uvo dropped the machine on the ground. Hisoka and Feitan looked towards Chrollo for some kind of thanks or appreciation. However, Chrollo’s eyes were fixed on the machine before them. He was busy admiring how the moonlight coming through the hole in the roof glistened off the surface. He launched himself off of the platform without a word and landed on the machine. He then began to dance. The best, most coordinated and most dazzling dance any of the troupe members had ever seen. It truly was a sight to behold. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the arcade, Gon-san was doing his last security round before closing up for the night when he noticed a strikingly evident empty space where his favorite Dance Dance Revolution game should have been. Funny, he thought to himself. It was there before Ging’s last shift. This could only mean one thing.

“GING.” he said, not taking his eyes off the floor where the machine was supposed to be. 

Ging had been in the middle of a nap, and awoke, terrified. He removed the magazine from where it rested on his face and stood up off the floor, nervously making his way over to his boss. 

“...Yeah?” he responded, warily.

“Where were you?” Gon-san asked him, still staring intensely at the floor. He was ANGRY. That game had been his pride and joy. No one had ever beaten his high score.

“What do you--”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YOU WERE ASLEEP WEREN’T YOU. LIKE ALWAYS. GING.”

With that, he grabbed Ging by the front of his shirt and lifted him high into the air. Ging tried weakly to pry the hands from his shirt, but to no avail. “H-hey now, think about what you’re doing! I swear it won’t happen again!”

“OF COURSE IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN. THE MACHINE IS GONE. AND IT’S NEVER COMING BACK.”

Ging gulped and braced himself for the punches.


End file.
